At times, she won't return my calls. My only advise to you would be to expect nothing. No part of this article may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means without permission in writing from the author. So my suggestion, you don't need more effort, you need to tell her either choose to be in the relationship and have respect or break up with you so you can stop waiting around hoping she will change. But you will never know as long as you have decided that 'fear' of your wifes possible rage is a reason for staying with her. I think you have a good gameplan there man. Makes me really wish that I had someone who could talk with me about this as I find it kind of poisons all my thinking. If you dislike her so much surely it must have been a reward to have her gone? I want to add after reading some of your threads that this girl sounds like some of the girls you have dated. I feel I am her rebound and safety net even though she denies that I am. I love my bf with all my heart and want to be with him, but something is missing on his part. Peace. in the long run, its going to hurt, but you both would be happy apart. That's how I feel, anyway. It’s because you choose to wipe your tears secretly and brush your misery under the carpet. I'm glad I was able to offer a glimpse into the dynamics, though it sounds like your daughter's case is extreme, at best. I also believe (sorry to say) that there are some enablers here. Yet she never wanted it to end. I have had to block my daughter's phone number because I am now emotionally incapable of handling the stress. I used to say that every week I have to leave the people I love and go back home to my family. It's up to decide how much effort you expect for her to put in. I think the only way to resolve the issues ( if the couple decides to or even wants to) is for each of the participants is to go to therapy and do some self-examination. So my suggestion, you don't need more effort, you need to tell her either choose to be in the relationship and have respect or break up with you so you can stop waiting around hoping she will change. I agree with you anon. You get more done that way. I did see a reference to "Zen relaxation in 30 minutes" on your blog, but as far as I understand—with my imperfect understanding of Zen and the nature of mind—Zen has to do with accepting reality AS IT IS, and observing the mind at work. The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly. It’s natural to feel uncomfortable talking to your … Be honest and let her know what's going on in your heart. You can’t stop snooping. But this could be all in your head, and you may just be overestimating how painful the breakup would actually be, Joel added. But we could get restraining orders and do other things to ensure their safety. I don't think love is something set to time. Many unhappy relationships tend to have a cycle of breaking up and starting over. In a partnership each person may depend on the other to carry out certain activities of daily living but that doesn't mean you yourself are not capable of performing the same tasks. Probably not, because that is what you experiencing right now. A new theory aims to make sense of it all. She rarely makes plans to see me, even with our mutual friends. Remember that no matter how well you think you know someone, you don't! You’re trying so hard to make it better and he doesn’t care. I think you know what you need to do, you just want reassurance. You’re unhappy in your relationship because you won’t leave. HEY! For each day that you stay in a toxic environment, you lose a little more of yourself. It's merely scales of economy. Seems it's up to you if you want to be there for her. I have always believed that you can't put a time limit on love, but I have decided to give this two more weeks since we have plans coming up. But you shouldn't have to be miserable to make someone happy. You say that someone has managed to turn your friends against you, I'm sorry, but that just doesn't happen in secure friendships where people trust one another. You are there to help them untangle their mess, not critize them, which is helping them stagnate and not help them to get out of it and grow. Have you ever observed a hostile couple and thought, Why do they stay together? I so understand your situation as I am just going through a very similar scenario. This doesn't mean they're not seething inside. Offer patience, understanding, tolerance - and access to a removal van and accomodation at short notice :). I always felt like something was missing. You deserve a good night's rest too. Never play for time. Menopause or Aging? Pick friendships back up that you had left by the wayside, change your routine… Love will come back into your life soon enough. Almost everyone is at least partially dependent upon his or her spouse, parent, significant other, etc. Instead of constantly thinking of yourself and all the wrongs you have suffered/might suffer you should be thinking about what is best for your son, poor little boy. Now, I'm with a new guy, and I wondered where I stood with him. http://www.dadabhagwan.org/scientific-solutions/self-help/anger-management/. I became the arch-enemy, and for him it became a 'choice' between his entire family or me. I think the biggest stumbling block for me was and still is not excepting guidance because I was sure my symptoms were healthy. She needs to get her head on straight. Each partner is getting some need of theirs met, regardless of whether that need is healthy or not. Although our situations are much different, I can certainly relate to how you are feeling. I can definitely relate. She may feel she has no alternatives (because of lack of money, etc.). So move out an tell her on the phone. People don't want to wallow in misery. I am so sorry for your situation -- for all parties involved. My e-mails are ignored. You are most certainly doomed if you allow things to continue like this, it will only get worse. Here are 11 things I've learned about angry partnerships in the past 13 years: Copyright 2014 Linda Esposito, LCSW. "Always break up with someone if you don't feel like yourself ... remember that the only reason you really need is that you want to. Then call your ex-girlfriend, tell her you are separated and ask if she is interested in resuming your relationship. The first time the police were called was 10 years ago and since then her now husband has been arrested numerous times for domestic abuse. There might be no everyday feeling more terrifying than knowing you want to break up with your partner. You said your girlfriend broke off the relationship when she heard your wife would be coming back - really? What you are describing is interdependence, where both people depend on each other, which (in most cases) is healthy. When I was a rookie therapist over a decade ago and encountering such partners, it was a case of the more you know, the less you understand. I intuitively know that I would be happy with my girlfriend - that that happiness would not be guaranteed but that that uncertainty would be exciting and not risky feeling yet I struggle to even think about leaving my wife as I know that she will fly into a narcissistic rage and make my life difficult and persecuted she will take me to the cleaners - or that is my fear. Unless your relationship is actively unhealthy, people often feel guilty for wanting to end a relationship. What Is to Blame for Your Sleep Issues? I like this article and I think it's spot on. "The ultimate reason for taking the solo plunge? Anger is always said to be a separator, the cause of separation of a couple many a times. She has broken several of our dates without even letting me know. You need to stand up for yourself (be assertive, not aggressive) and demand what you deserve. And she cares more about doing what she needs to do than calling you or even showing up for your dates. Wow I so needed to see this. I think you need to get help for your daughter. You have broken your vows rather than being honest and leaving your wife before intentionally looking for an extra-marital affair. And reality does include anxiety, last I checked. She will only make matters worst and you will feel very degrading and unworthy. Hope this clarifies your question. Perhaps her family has rejected her and she has other stressors in her life. That scared me since a master's degree in social work meant I should have had a leg up on helping others to help themselves. 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